When I was a kid...

Let me start by saying that when I decided on the title of this blog post I felt that, while appropriate for the content, it seemed strange to me.  Most days, most hours really, I still kind of feel like a "kid."  I still really enjoy trampolines, roller coasters, candy bars, Disney Pixar movies (really, though, who doesn't).  I think it's SUPER funny when people fall, I ABSOLUTELY hate getting up with an alarm and I still have a favorite color.  But I'm gonna call it like I see it and say for all intents and purposes I'm grown.  I vote, pay bills, work, raise a kid, yada yada.

In the process of raising that kid I've noticed an increasing frequency of the words "when I was a kid" flying out of my mouth.  You know the script: When I was a kid we ate whatever mama cooked, When I was a kid we didn't have an xBox, we had our imagination, When I was a kid people didn't shoot schools up.  I've heard that prefix from every parent I've ever spent more than 30 minutes with.  I'm sure you can think of a few your parents used against you, maybe a few you've used against your own kids.

A few nights ago for dinner I cooked baked chicken with fresh garlic, sea salt and basil.  Yes, it does sound delicious.  Peyton (that's the boyfriend's son) didn't want to eat his chicken.  He's eight.  I'm 31 and I prefer Chicken McNuggets so I can't really blame the kid.  Jonas (the boyfriend) told him "Eat your chicken, Peyton, its good for you."  Sidebar: don't ever ever ever try to persuade any human under the age of 24 to do anything because it's 'good for you'.  You may as well tell them it's battery acid and will disintegrate their insides.   Peyton was still reluctant to eat the battery acid chicken so Jonas followed up his argument with "When I was a kid we had to eat everything on our plate."  To which I promptly responded with an exaggerated eye roll.  Jonas asked, "you didn't have to eat all your food?"  Umm, no, my parents love me.  Obvi.  Think about it; did the kid choose his meal?  His portions?  No.  Did he ask for baked chicken?  Nope.  Should he be gracious and accept the blessing to the nourishment of his body?  Absolutely!  Does he have to like it?  Hell no.  And, for the record, not all the things from when you were a kid are relevant to our children.  

I'm not taking a stand against eating all your food, that isn't the point I'm trying to make.  What I'm saying is that using your childhood experiences to make well-rounded, sound judgments in parenting is a fantastic idea.  Lording the rules and punishments that were inflicted upon you as a child over your kid as a tool to diminish, discredit or demean their choices or desires is shitty.  And I'm just as guilty.  Stay with me here: In my personal experience the majority of the time when my dad began a sentence with 'when I was a kid' I didn't hang on the edge of my seat in eager anticipation of the sage wisdom he was about to lovingly bestow upon me.  No, I rolled my eyes in utter dismay at having to suffer through another example of his presumed suck-ass childhood.  If he were to collectively tell all his "when I was a kid" stories you would be strongly inclined to call child protective services to have his parents retro-actively charged for abuse, neglect, wanton endangerment and schizophrenia.  But if you ask my dad "how was your childhood?" he would respond with a sincere "It was great."  Now tell that to a ten year old who wants to stay up 30 minutes past bedtime but can't because her dad never could.  What?

And who's to say that the rules you were made to follow or the punishments you received were the most appropriate for you, or are the most appropriate for your child?  Let's reverse the role a bit; when I was a kid (see what I did there) I played in the street, with no adult supervision, for hours until it was too dark to see the dodge ball.  One neighborhood kid was in charge of yelling 'Car!' and NO ONE was in charge of reporting stranger danger when people walked by.  I was about nine.  If my kid asked to do that now I would lose my shit and lock her in her room for 15 years.  She could be kidnapped, killed, raped, sold for meth, given meth, talked into becoming a politician, fall onto a dirty needle.  The possibilities of impending doom are endless.  What was perfectly acceptable for me when I was a kid is unthinkable for my kid now.  When I was a kid I wasn't allowed to have my elbows on the dinner table.  Why?  My forearm is ok but my elbow is unacceptable?  Is this real life?  Are we having tea with the queen? Will someone faint at the sight of my boney elbow while they eat?  It's a little ashy, but not that bad.  

Now people have taken to social media to lord those rules and punishments over the younger generation.  And you sound like a grumpy old person who can't figure out all this new fangled techno babble.  These memes brag about being spanked like it's the sole reason you aren't a raging alcoholic serial killer who wears human heads as hats.  There's an underlying judgement against a generation of children that YOUR GENERATION RAISED!  Think about that while you enjoy the next photo.

MmmmHmmm.  So, riddle-me-this Batman; who bought the 10 year old the laptop, iPod and Blackberry? (which BTW no one owns a Blackberry...no one)  That's like parking your own car, then being angry at how your car is parked!  I know it's a generalization; so are all the jabs at the "kids these days."  Sidebar: One of my favorite quotes from a meme (sorry I couldn't find it!) said "Generation X invented the internet; show some respect Generation Y".  Is this real life?  That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Like ever.  

Will people stop saying "when I was a kid.." as a result of this blog?  Nope.  And that's ok, it's a time honored tradition of frustrated parents to try and rationalize with their mini-me's to get them to calm the fuck down about whatever injustice they feel they've suffered.  But, I would like to try and use this sentence enhancer in a slightly different way:

• When I was a kid my dad worked constantly, so I try very hard to be present with my child at dinner time.  Because I believe we're building memories she will one day cherish.
• When I was a kid I never saw my mom cry.  Because of this I felt shamed by my own grief.  I don't want my daughter to fight that demon, so I will show her my tears, in an appropriate way, to help her grieve freely and grow emotionally.
• When I was a kid I watched my parents playfully express affection with laughter and kisses and teasing.  I now find that same affection in my relationship and it makes me grateful that our kids see it too.
• When I was a kid my sister Jessie never let me wallow in self-pity, and now that she's in a health battle, I know how to pull her up just like she used to pull me up.
• When I was a kid my mother openly accepted every single friend I ever brought home, regardless of ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation or financial status.  She gave freely to panhandlers, tipped generously, smiled at everyone.  I grew up to be that kind of woman, and my daughter will do the same.
• When I was a kid my biological dad disappeared.  My step-dad didn't blink an eye, he just stayed right where he was; where he still is today.
• When I was a kid I was told constantly that I had immeasurable potential and that I would be loved unconditionally.  I am realizing my potential and loved relentlessly by my parents every day.
• When I was a kid we laughed every single day.

Because when I was a kid, life was amazing.