Is This Real Life?

I wonder sometimes, especially when I'm observing nouns (you know: people, places, things), if I've become prematurely old.  I recently watched the Grammy's with my bestie Lee Lee and I found myself repeatedly shaking my head in disapproval of the nouns on the television.  The mustache on the guy from F.U.N., the Smokey The Bear Hat swallowing Pharrell William's head, every single thing Lorde did, wore, said.  Watching these beautiful, young, talented, probably rich celebrities doing and saying and wearing things that I'm sure are very trendy I just kept thinking to myself: Is this real life?

Like, is this a real thing? Wearing some weird frost-bite style black shit all around the tips of all your fingers?  Is this what people do now?  Because....no.

This shit.

And it isn't just fashion and pop culture that has me feeling like a fossil.  It's the behavior of the younger people I'm around.  I overheard a conversation the other day between two late-teen-early-twenty-something ladies (really sweet girls) who, according to them, really need to start going to church to "find a guy that's not into Molly's".  Yeah, because Match.com ain't got nothin' on Jesus, and every guy who isn't in whatever church you grace with your ulterior motive is a Molly poppin' douche.  Is this real life?

Maybe my problem isn't age related.  I mean, I'm only 31.  Sure, I can't climb a flight of stairs without cussing and panting, but we'll blame that shit on Marlboros, fat cells and gravity.  And maybe I have a few wrinkles and a suspicious looking "freckle" (because the word mole isn't in my vocabulary).  Maybe I shouldn't judge at all.  It's a sweet notion, but this is true story, not a meme about being a better person so save that shit for Pinterest.

I don't know how I've made it to this point in my life still clinging to my wide-eyed wonder of all things ridiculous.  You would think that at this point I would be pretty jaded, maybe a bit bitter.  But no, I'm still fairly surprised at the stupid/frustrating/outrageous shit I see and hear.  The chubby bastard from North Korea who, for the record, if spotted at the mall on a random Sunday would easily be mistaken for a 17 year old, blows my freakin mind!  His insane sense of entitlement and violent tenancies have me completely baffled.  Seriously, is this real life?  Then Dennis Rodman decides to be his BFF?  Like, legit?

A heavily trafficked freeway in my home town gets a brand new sign with a two-foot typo.  Come on, people!  Every single effin time I open a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper it explodes.  What?!  I can't substitute white cheddar bites for fries at Zaxby's because their register doesn't support that function.  Are you joking?!

But in all my frustration, when I really think about it, I guess I'm kinda grateful that I can still be surprised.  Like when my kid brings her already good grades up to great grades.  Or when I'm cramming to get work done and feeling stressed and incapable Jonas sends me a pic of our kids being ridiculously cute.

Being caught off guard isn't always a bad thing.  Sometimes, its exactly what I need.